“In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.”
(Robert Frost)
I got the idea to start this blog from a few friends of mine that actually have one themselves. I don't know if it will be a good idea or bad to do this but maybe it will not only help me but others around me gain a little faith and reassurance about life.
It has been a tough but good year for me. It has had its ups and its downs but heck whose life does not have ups and downs every now and then. Some of you may know what happened to me over the holidays this last year but most of you probably do not. I do not really like to talk about it because it does still bother me a lot.
It all started in late October/early November of 2011. Brian and I were not expecting it but we found out that we were pregnant. I was extremely scared at first because what I have been through with the two miscarriages that I had before. I decided that this time was going to be different though and I set out to get myself set up with the best doctor that I could find. Everything seemed to be going just fine until my doctor told me that the baby did not look like it was as big as it should be for how far along I was supposed to be. I was devastated but still optimistic that everything would be ok, that everything was going to be different this time around. Then Christmas Day came around and that's when my life turned into a living nightmare. My body started rejecting the baby and I miscarried on Christmas Day 2011.
It has been almost a year now since that happened and it still upsets me sometimes when I think about it. I beat myself up about it wondering what I have done in order for this to happen to me every time that I have been pregnant. It has been a tough year for me. Some days are easier than others and then some days I see so many people around me starting off their lives with their partners and becoming wonderful parents and I wonder if and when it will be my turn. And now to add onto my despair I have some issues going on with my body that may be the reason why I cannot carry a baby to full term. Hopefully going to see my doctor we can figure some things out.
Brian and I have discussed this even before we got married, that we would like to adopt a child no matter if we can have a hundred children or not. We both want to give a deserving child or children a good home.
And to any of my friends that may be reading this that have families of their own I want you to know that I am so happy for you. It truly is a miracle and wonderful thing to grow and bring a miracle into this world. I may not have done it myself but I do know how much of a blessing it is.
Thank you so much to all of you who have been there for me as well this past year to guide and walk me through all my ups and downs. Especially to my husband for always being there for me even when I have gotten angry and withdrawn.
Like my quote at the beginning stated:
“In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.”
― Robert Frost
― Robert Frost
Life goes on and so must I. Perhaps one day down the road I will have my blessing in one form or another!
